Father Of The Blog

This book centers around and draws examples from a research study called “Parenting Practices at the Millennium” (PPM). Over 1000 parents and around 650 teenagers were at the core of the study. The book is broken down into four main sections. The first part of the book is an examination of parenting in a gilded age. The middle part of the book analyzes the many pitfalls of indulgent children from self-centered narcissism to self-control issues. The third section of the book is an outline for parental strategies to combat the problems our children face in our permissive society. The last part of the book is a technical reference and endnotes of the PPM study.

Giving too much and expecting too little in return, growing up in the new gilded age and supplying our children with the life skills they’ll need as adults is the context of part one. The author, a PhD of psychology at Harvard, sited a few situations with his patients and related them to the PPM study.

The seven deadly sins of pride, wrath, envy, sloth, gluttony, lust and greed are all spun into the second part of the book. The author reviews several case studies from his professional experience as a psychologist in relation to the PPM study and is combined with religious undertones.

Journey back into childhood and find your inner parent to figure out why you parent your child/children in the particular manner that you do. The third part of the book helps parents to look inside themselves to identify parenting traits also supplies a miniscule amount of practical parenting advice on general topics such as setting limits, giving more attention and being consistent.

The technical appendix and PPM study results are interesting and enlightening. Dozens of variables ranging from average household incomes to effects of family dinner time are examined in relationship to the author’s theories and broken down into easy to understand percentages.

I checked out this book from my local library after seeing an article in Parents magazine that made a reference to it. I would love to give the issue and article however someone, ok my wife, recycled the mag before I could make a note of that. The book contains plenty of staggeringly scary statistics and the inner parent examination is an interesting idea, so I do recommend the book however don’t waste your money on it, go borrow it from the library and skip to the last few chapters. While this book is a yawner there are some nuggets of truth and insightfulness that can help build parental confidence and ability.

Too Much Of A Good Thing
Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age
Dan Kindlon, Ph.D.
Published by Talk Miramax Books
Copyright 2001

“10 Secrets Every Father Should Know” Is the sub title of this book. Head’s up, there is no outline for the 10 secrets. However there are 10 chapters in the book, so I assume those are the 10 secrets that the sub title refers too. The beginning of the book is packed full of statistics pertaining to early childhood/teen depression, sexual activity, drug use, alcohol usage, and media influence, all of which are constantly marketed to our daughters. The following information is a reference to the astoundingly healthy effects that daughters with a close relationship to their fathers have on both the child and the parent. Great news for all the good dads out there who appreciate, initiate and carve out time to spend with the family.

The 10 secrets, err, chapters are:
“You are the most important man in her life” My head got big reading this.
“She needs a hero” Yes, my girls need someone to look up too, I agree and that hero should be me.
“You are her first love” I can see that with my girls, sure.
“Teach her humility” The author doesn’t specifically say how to do this (or give specific instruction on anything in the book for that matter), I do think that this a good piece of advice for keeping my girls grounded and may help them to realize that they are not entitled to everything and anything.
“Protect her and defend her” This one is kind of obvious.
“Pragmatism and grit: Two of your greatest assets” Ok this was the best line from the book ‘…there are two types of women in the world: princesses and pioneer women.’ I agree with that and this was possibly the most influential chapter in the book.
“Be the man you want her to marry” Model what you hope she will look for in a husband, good recommendation.
“Teach her who god is” The book just took a huge right turn as the author specifically sites the Judeo-Christian tradition and ostracizes half the world. Being of Jewish background I can relate to the types of values she is talking about, however Dr. Meeker alienates every other religion with her narrow-minded statements.
“Teach her to fight” I like this secret, but it is not about signing young girls up for classes at the local Tea Kwan Do studio, this is regarding finding a balance between feelings, reason and will.
“Keep her connected” This one is about spending quality one-on-on time with each other and creating powerful memories. Good advice.

The author of the book is well qualified (twenty years) in pediatric medicine and makes references to counseling many families.  She sites compelling eye-opening facts and makes persuasive arguments for the importance of influential fathers. One thing the author is not; believable. Doctor Meeker supports detailed information with fabricated Chicken Soup-ish stories from pseudo (or possibly a culmination of) patients. Each chapter contains one or two of these transparent page filler tales. I found these crumbs of fiction to be a distraction from the guts of the message and discredits the author’s authority. What kind of doctor brazenly severs their patient’s confidentiality? The scant fragments of sincerity were imbedded within the commentary from the author’s personal relationships with her father and husband.

My suggestion, check the book out at the local library like I did and skip the fluff because this book does have some great points validating the importance of fathers and the profound effects we have on our daughters.

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker, M.D.
Published by Regnery Publishing, Inc.
Copyright 2006